There are those days that happen in everyone’s life. The days that set you apart from the herd of humanity. Isolation brought on by the feeling that the people around you don’t know what you are going through, no matter their good intentions.
It’s easy for a special needs mom to feel that way. What with new problems popping up daily, old problems constantly resurfacing and daily life continually turning into survival.
I know typical mothers deal with difficulties as well, but somehow it doesn’t compute in my mind on “these days”. I feel alone. No matter how close a person is to me and my life. No matter how versed they are in our ways and lingo, I still feel terribly alone. Alone because there are times the heaviness cannot be put aside. Everything seems to hit you all at once. Rubbing sores, spasticy, involuntary movements. You feel like you can’t take another moment of watching your child hit her head against you as you use your body to absorb the impact. Another moment of holding a writhing, arching body trying to comfort a system run amok.
How do you deal with these days? How do you regroup?
I treat it like a relay race. I hand the baton off to my partner( on days that I can) and then sit down and organize my thoughts, my feelings, my reality. Or more often than not I cry a bit. I let all those realities pour out of my body. I release all that angst to run down my face. Then I take a moment to myself and sometimes write. Writing always makes me feel better. Writing allows me to step away from the frontlines and sketch the lay of the land. It gives me time to process.
Slowly my emotions and intellect balance back out ( at least to the usual level of whacko associated with me). I remind myself everyone has their difficulties. I think of the support and love I get from those around me and I thank the Lord that I have Him. I sit and listening to His Holy names being sung in beautiful prayers that soothe the savages of life. Eyes closed, heart open. Hare Krsna