I have always been an emotional person. Since as far back as I can remember my emotions have always been close to the surface ready to burst free. If I am happy you know it, if I am sad you know it. And you know this because I am loud 😉
I was with some wonderful friends and we took turns talking about our lives. Where we saw ourselves,where we are, where we are going. I naturally could barely get two words out without tears. As embarrassing as it was at the time… I forgive myself. There is a lot behind those tears, things I am not always ready to share on the spot. Things that define my life and who I have become. Take a peek into my emotional,teary life.
Since having Wawoo I would say the tears are always near, ready to come out. Happy, sad, empathic , they are there ready to help me deal with the feelings that are roiling just beneath the surface.
I feel those salty warm feelings leaking from my eyes as my life is trying to get processed through the words spilling from my mouth.
I say trying because how can I put into words what I’m feeling in this crazy, sometimes magical, sometimes tragic, always unexpected life of mine? How can I share the daily toll it takes on my emotions?
The hope and pride of what my sweet child will accomplish in this life of hers…
The pain and grief of watching her struggle every waking moment of her dear life….
The need to think of the future yet not wanting to because there is so much uncertainty…
The sleep deprivation…oh the sleep deprivation….
Being in a room full of people I love and care for and feeling supported and loved but at the same time listening to the conversations and realizing that I am alone in my journey as a mother. ….
I strive to make people comfortable about my life, try to not let my hardships rule my outlook. I truly believe that everyone should feel comfortable and talk of their troubles and struggles and happiness and not worry about how it will affect me. Because each person has their own hardships that I have no idea how to live through. Even so it still pinches when I think of what my darling was supposed to do and be able to accomplish.
I am not so foolish as to think no one but myself is having a hard time. I know that each person I meet is dealing with tremendous stress and trying to find their contentment in one way or the other. That is the way of the world.
I simply know how I am built. I am built to deal with my emotions and ups and downs with tears. Be they happy tears, sad tears, or just because tears. Sometimes this mama needs a good cry and that is alright. The friends who know me, know this and although I will probably always apologize for the tears, they are a part of who I am .