Big brown eyes look up at me and beg for relief. From what I don’t know. I try everything in my ability to alleviate any pain I can but still she weeps inconsolably. I rock her trying to comfort her but it seems impossible. I am not understanding what she needs. Brown eyes keep begging mommy to fix everything. My heart breaks over and over as I am unable to help my baby girl when she needs it the most.
Hours of her crying later and I have reached my limit. All the compassion is still there but it is overtaken by irritation (however irrational) towards her not stopping. She can feel it,this child of mine is so sensitive. She weeps even more pathetically. Usually around this time my second half steps in and gives us both a break. He is working and it’s just me and her. Both of us past our limit. Both of us wanting relief. None is to be had so we just sit and tears roll down our faces until bedtime.
Medicating your child to give her relief is not the greatest feeling in the world. You do it because she needs it to just be comfortable. But your heart dies a little each time you watch her drift away fighting against it. You hold them tight and pray they feel safe and loved.
Can you tell I am still dealing with the emotional after affects of a hard couple of days? In those moments it doesn’t feel like things will be better again. It feels like it will last forever. All the previous times of difficulty come crashing back over your head and it seems like all you ever deal with is hardships.
In those times I am on my knees and completely at the mercy of Krsna. There is no one else I can turn to with my tormented heart. I feel at those moments that I can’t figure out the PLAN. I don’t care. I just want to know that I am trying my best and that is enough for now. What I lack God will make up for. This I pray for and believe.