Caring for the Caregiver

Most of the time I am so caught up in caring for Wawoo I neglect myself. That is how I ended up at 185lbs a few years ago. Seeing that number on the scale and the person I had become in the mirror was shocking. I used to be 125 before pregnancy and didn’t even see how much I was putting on.

I had no time to cook nutritious meals and work out. I was sitting most of the time holding a   spastic child trying to figure out what I could do to comfort her. Or I was eating junk food or cereal as meals in those brief moments of her being asleep for 15 minutes or quiet for a second.

The year after she was born I kicked myself in the butt and started working out on the treadmill my mom bought me after seeing me in my pitifully out of shape condition.  I dropped 30 lbs and felt great.

Then Wawoo got sick. We were in and out of hospitals..casts..surgeries for the next year. I gained what I lost and didn’t care anymore. I felt ugly and fat and figured it was just how I was going to be. I felt defeated and lost. I couldn’t even fathom working out on a daily basis like I used to.

It took another two years for me to get back on the horse. I am starting little by little. Learning how to run. Doing it every other day. Eating more veggies and fruits. Not hating myself for not always being able to get everything I need done done.

Wawoo will always have bad days and emergencies. I have to just forgive myself on those days and get back at it the next.

Some days I have no time  all day with caring for her and end up running on the treadmill at  12:30 at night! It feels good to have some routine in my crazy life. It feels good to be strong and to challenge my body. It feels good to care for myself as I would someone I love. Even if that good feeling only lasts minutes I will hold on to it and make it through another day 🙂