So we have been battling my daughter’s cochlear implant this last month. It would just not work properly. We got a brand new one to replace the one that wasn’t working and that one didn’t work either. I called the doc and she said there had been a recall on the equipment in Wawoo’s head! My stomach dropped to my shoes. For the last few days I worked myself up into a gut wrenching tizzy.
Trying not to worry about a maybe surgery is not so easy. So we went to the doc’s and they tested everything and could find nothing wrong. She finally decided to just change out the whole processor again when a little light went on in my head and I asked if the processor was set to the peds setting. Voila! Crisis averted.
The Euphoria that hit me is hard to describe. I am hardly out of the situation when I am hit with another.
Wawoo has hip dysplasia. Which means her muscles aren’t; strong enough to keep her hip bone in its socket. We see the Ortho on Friday and once again I have no idea where this will go.
When did I become this worried wart? Why can’t I just take it as it comes instead of looking to the future?
Because I have been burnt too many times to trust that everything will be fine. In my experience with this life everything that could go wrong with Wawoo has. Is that cynical? I don’t know, it feels realistic.
And once one thing feels like it’s not going right everything feels wrong. I start to see all the suffering she is experiences over the good stuff. I spiral into this dark place of scared, unhappy thoughts. I cry. I ask why.
The only thing that helps is to trust. To trust that I cannot always see why I am in a certain situation but there is a plan. A plan that is put into place to help me in this life. Also I am here to help her. She is my priority and the meaning of my life. I was put here to help her in this difficult position. She has made me a more compassionate, loving person.
People can’t know what my life is like. They can’t understand the rollercoaster I live on everyday . So I learn tolerance and acceptance. I learn to take the love and care and ignore the remarks that send little arrows to my heart.
I learn to look beyond the body to the soul within.
I learn that love is a powerful thing.
I learn I learn I learn
My life is about learning. And one never stops learning so I will be on this ride for a while 🙂
P.S. Please forgive any errors as I use this blog as a sort of journal and just let it flow out of me without pausing or checking. Hare Krsna